I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
