I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
