i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
