i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
