wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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