piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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