i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
