ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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