So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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