Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize