A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
