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I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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