what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
