Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
