I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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