Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
