Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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