whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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