Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize