dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize