The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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