Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
