nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
