i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
