i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize