we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
