Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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