I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
