i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize