Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
