If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
pray to the hookup gods
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
