I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
