How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
