All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
