All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
