At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
