Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
