Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Even my vagina gasped.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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