My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
