I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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