so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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