She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
