Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
as a side note pls kill me
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
