the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
