You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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