I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
