8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
