I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
