So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
