The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize