I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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