No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
