he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
