That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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