she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
