addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize