I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
