All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need to sanitize my soul.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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