My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
