i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
