She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
