I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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