So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
