Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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