God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
