morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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