Already got asked if we're dating
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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